as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
