im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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