he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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