Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh god it's open bar.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
