After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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