allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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