Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
