Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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