i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
