Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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