these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
