I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish I only lived at night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
