I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
