I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this just has baby written all over it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
