i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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