Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
