i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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