Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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