I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
