I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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