I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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