I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
