I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
