Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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