Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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