I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In America we eat man semen.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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