fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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