Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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