I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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