too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
