I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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