Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
