I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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