The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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