dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
vagina is talking i cant
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
