my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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