a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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