Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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