Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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