Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Floor bacon is actually really good