it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low