508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song