my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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