Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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