Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
