I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
