Michael Bay diarrhea
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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