I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
