ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
