he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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