Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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