i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
