no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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