Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am midnight drunk by noon
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
