He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
