She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
