oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
