just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
