forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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