Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
