it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
