Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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