Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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