Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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